Dating Channels and the Probability of Finding Mr. or Mrs Right

I haven't really thought about this for a while, but since I've just received a call from DL, I thought I'd note down some "dating adventures" I've had.

1. Speed dating
Like any impressionable female, I was curious when I first heard of it. Then I came across a really cheap event that didn't cost $399, so decided to sign up to find out. The location was a cafe and the charges covered only the administrative fee. I think the idea was that you'd only buy drinks there during the session. Not food to go. The ladies were to remain seated at their designated tables while the men rotated after every 10 minutes or so of conversation. We were supposed to write down the names of people we were interested in and give it to the organisers who would then give out the contacts at a later date. Right off the bat, you could guess with 70% certainty, who the (male) engineers were. A lot of the men were fairly old (to an under 30 chickie) at around 40 years old.

One was a dentist in his early 30s, who happened to know a few dentists I'm friendly with. He'd bought quite a bit of food and was scarfing it down in between snatches of conversation. He requested that I keep this speed dating event a secret from those dentists I know. I was a bit amused.

Most were pretty ordinary and frankly quite boring. And then there was a really creepy one who wanted to know where I lived (and my address, which I refused to give him), among other things. He was a classical musician (can't remember what instrument he played), unkempt, fat and on the whole very unappealing. Also over 40. Throughout the 10 minutes, he kept suggesting that we meet up for drinks (alcohol) since we live so close by. Not particularly creepy by itself. But after the event, he followed me as I was walking out and when I tried to part ways with him, he insisted on sending me back (not that he had a car). Tried to shake him off by ignoring him and talking to one of the women who'd attended the event. I remember distinctly, that I told him I was there to socialise and perhaps make some friends. That didn't work. Both of us women took a circuitous route away from the venue before I managed to get rid of him.

The result: I kept in contact with the woman I chatted with. Some guys texted me later and they desisted when I didn't respond too favourably. I satisfied my curiosity over speed dating. It's like a lot of fads.

2. Maternal Interference
My mother kept trying to set me up. I don't think it's worked out very well which is just as well since subsequently she found out they weren't very good candidates anyway. Including one corporate lawyer whose mom, it is rumoured, thinks he might be gay. I was tempted to get his number off my mom, just to call him up and ask, "I don't want anything from you, but I heard that you might be gay. So are you gay?!!! I'm just dying to know. I promise not to tell anyone if you are." That idea haunts me from time to time.

The result: my mother appears to have been beaten in that regard. Asian Bimbo - 1, Mother - 0.

3. Dating Agency
I'm quite sure I did a write up on this on my old LiveJournal blog, if only I can find it. The long and short of it was that I didn't think their package justifies the price tag.

The result: they really have to convince me to put down a couple of thousand dollars for what they're providing.

4. Dating Websites like Yahoo's personals
FREE registration. But you'll have to pay if you actually want to send a short mail to someone. It's a bit like job hunting. You put up a profile of what you're like or something resembling that effect and what you're looking for in a partner. Most of the profiles I browsed through didn't excite me that much. A couple of them thought it was like job/employee hunting too and wrote as much. Quite amusing. Sent a canned teaser to one, which was free. I don't know I want to pay $25/month yet to exchange emails with someone. Still thinking about that one. Sent a canned reply to one, unfortunately he didn't obfuscate the email address he tried to put in his subsequent reply so I couldn't contact him after that. (You get only one opportunity for a canned reply.) Hopefully he's smart enough to figure out I do want to talk to him, I'm just too cheap to pay $25 for a contact. Maybe that's a good intelligence filter. Or maybe a cheapskate filter. Whatever.

The result: who knows. Maybe I'll decide to hand over my credit card number some day.

5. Generic FREE community boards like CraigsList
I can't remember how I discovered CraigsList. Probably stumbled upon it from some news article. I've had quite a bit of fun with this one. I've put up advertisements for other things before on CL , the response was underwhelming so I can't actually profile the type of people who'd read CL outside of North America. Nonetheless, I put up a couple of "fun" personal ads and was quite surprised by the response. (The ads have since expired, so don't go looking for them.) A good number of the responses were quite bad. Non descriptive one liners, bad grammar, bad spelling, no mention of what they're interested in or poor introduction of themselves or worse still, mocking me with the misuse of bombastic words. One insulted me and then expected me to reply. Crazy. Some of them were short but had something interesting to say so we did exchange emails for a bit before I got bored. Interestingly enough, the top respondents fell into 3 definite profiles. It might have been the way I worded my ads. A friend suggested that if I substituted one sentence for another, I'd probably get a different profile of respondents. If I were writing a paper on copywriting, I might test that idea but I'm not sufficiently bored to attempt this again. Top respondents got my Instant Message ID and/or number after a second exchange of e-mails. I met up with a few of them, but I don't think anything has come out of it. I think I know why, but in any case, I'm not too beat up over it. Actually, when I think about it, I'm a little surprised that they wanted to meet up with me. Maybe they just wanted to know what I look like in person.

The result: hmm...mixed feelings. At least some men who frequent CL can read, write and spell. That is something.

6. Social Network Sites
I am on several and I'm mostly quite passive on them. i.e. if I don't get an email notifying me of a message, I practically won't check the site. Except for Facebook at the moment. But the shine is already wearing off and I think eventually it'll be as exciting as all the other 1001 social network sites I'm already on and can't be a***** to check. Surprisingly, I've received messages from men this year. Especially after I put up my photograph (double blind control). A couple even went as far as to find me on one of the instant messaging systems. I've met up with one so far. Less than stellar. Never approve someone's friend request until you meet them and decide you want to see them again. But maybe I'm just being an unfriendly bitch and I'm naturally suspicious of people I don't know. Then again, some acquaintances who've apparently forgotten me didn't bother to approve my request to add them as a friend anyway, so it's all good.

The result: I think passivity on a marketing channel doesn't really work. I gave some of the so-called dating apps on Facebook a spin, but they're all crap so far. I'm not sure how many people actively look for dates on social network sites. Some, to be sure. Since I'm the passive party, I can't gauge success rates.

7. Traditional Means
A lot of people meet in traditional ways, through schools, places of religious worship, workplaces, parties, social activity clubs or clubs/bars/pubs, to name a few I can think off the top of my head.

The result: I think the hit rate is pretty low but perhaps that's just me. Not that I've utilised most of the listed places.

8. IRC
I've stopped hanging out on IRC channels for close to 2 years now. About the time I broke up with the last ex-boyfriend. I don't think I'll ever go back to that again. Occasionally I might swing by a server/channel to look up a person specifically, but that's because it's easier and faster to reach them that way. Otherwise, I have no incentive to.

The result: the rate of return of time vs result is too low I think.