Sunday, February 10, 2008

Marriage as a Business Partnership

Sometimes I wonder if this metaphor isn't quite apt after all:

It sounds obvious now, but I didn’t fully appreciate back then that what makes for a good marriage isn’t necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. Once you’re married, it’s not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it’s about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn’t a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way.

I don’t mean to say that settling is ideal. I’m simply saying that it might have gotten an undeservedly bad rap. As the only single woman in my son’s mommy-and-me group, I used to listen each week to a litany of unrelenting complaints about people’s husbands and feel pretty good about my decision to hold out for the right guy, only to realize that these women wouldn’t trade places with me for a second, no matter how dull their marriages might be or how desperately they might long for a different husband. They, like me, would rather feel alone in a marriage than actually be alone, because they, like me, realize that marriage ultimately isn’t about cosmic connection—it’s about how having a teammate, even if he’s not the love of your life, is better than not having one at all.


Every year, it becomes more tempting to "settle down" with every round of wedding invitations. Most people I've mentioned this to have expressed some horror at the idea, but really, what's the probability of finding that mythical "true love"? I'm not even sure what "true love" is. I wonder how many people do too, considering the sobering divorce rate - 30% in countries like Australia and Singapore, 50% in the US.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

all the more one shouldnt hasten and add to those numbers! :)

Anonymous said...

oh ya, i hope you had a good birthday!

S said...

Eh...I don't know...I'm thinking may be I should take it up with a friend.

Thanks for the birthday wish! Except it was on Chinese New Year's Eve, so it was kind of boring..